I let a stranger cut me open!

Oh the joys of dial up internet. It took me no less than five minutes to reach this darned page. Oh, well, i've got the next six weeks to kill so i guess time doesn't really matter that much.

Well, my surgery is complete. It all began at 12 o'clock on wednesday night, when i had to stop eating and drinking. Thursday morning (the morning of my surgery) i had to get up at 6:30 to go and load turkeys, which sucked, because for one it's loading turkeys, and two, i couldn't have anything to eat or drink.

I had to be at patient registration at 10:00, so i checked in and got a wristband, and shed my skivvies for a stylin' hospital gown (yes, it was assless). Luckily i got to bring my own housecoat, which kept the draft down a little. Then i went to get my first shot, Heparin, to thin my blood. Next, it was off to pre-op where the nurse attempted to thread an IV in. Here is a paraphrased transcript of what happened:

Nurse: (putting a tourniquet above my elbow) Hmm, i can't seem to find any veins.

Me: It's a good thing i don't do drugs.

Nurse: Yeah you'd be a lousy drug addict. I think i see a good vein in your hand. Oh, crap.

Me: Hey, that's not something i want to be hearing when you're jabbing me with a needle.

Nurse: I must be up against a valve or something.

Me: Great, now i'll have a varicose vein in my hand.

Nurse: No you won't, there, i've got it.

After that reassuring quip, i had a hot-air filled blanket placed over me to keep me warm in the room's seemingly sub-freezing temperatures. Shortly after that i was rolled to the pre-op room, where i was visited by Dr. Hutfluss, me anestheologist, and an OR nurse, who then wheeled my into the OR. I was given some sedatives, which immediately took effect and i passed out like a cheap drunk. I have no idea how they did the epidural, or for that matter the surgery, because the next thing i remember is being rolled into recovery, and someone saying something about a suppository, which i prayed was a misunderstanding on my part.

I was asked to move my legs (couldn't do it) and then passed out again, and slept for the better part of the next three hours while my beautiful wife sat beside me, bored out of her mind, i'm sure. When i finally woke up again, a nurse was there to check my temperature (i was already hooked up to a blood pressure/heart rate/oxygen level machine) and then told me it was time for another suppository. I reacted with dismay, and she said i was welcome to self-administer. She presented me with a rubber glove and some lube, and needless to say, i was a little uncomfortable groping at my frozen ass while a nurse and my wife looked on, so i allowed the nurse to do it. It was a mercifully short event.

I passed the time reading magazines that lindsey bought for me while i was in surgery, and slept on and off until my 'supper' arrived. (if you could call it that.) It consisted of chicken broth, hot tea, pineapple juice, and orange jello, not exactly what i was looking forward to after not eating for over 17 hours, but i ate it all like a good boy.

Lindsey had to leave at 8, and i was allowed to get up and watch the Bombers game once my lower half finally thawed out. I was hoping i would be able to go home that night, but my last dose of antibiotics was scheduled for 2 in the morning, so i stayed the night. I slept well, except for the 80+ year old lady across from me who wheezed and gasped and moaned most of the night. (there were about five of us in the recovery room) I didn't even notice getting my antibiotics at 2.

I was woken up at 5:30 for a hearty breakfast of two pieces of toast with cheese whiz, and another suppository, which was inserted much further (really a lot further than necessary) than the previous three, she may have used a pen to shove it further, and watched some news until lindsey picked me up at 6:30. I don't have a lot of pain, i'm taking tylenol 3s and some stool softeners, and spent most of today (friday) sleeping, reading, and watching tv. I will be at home most weekdays, and would love company or anything to help me pass the time, so if anyone wants, drop on by.

Well, cheers, and have a good night,
eric